Nao, le lalkuo po ge cervo janto gi, ba plizo {no/}lo kukreo, {e le/noe lo}borku.
The grammar does not permit no lo kukreo. The proper connector here is noe ; not rifles but the bow (bows) . A forethought connector might have been clearer, ke lo kukreo noki lo borku, or at least for E speakers in reverse order lo borku enoi lo kukreo or ke lo borku kinoi lo kukreo. I do not think Alex meant a particular bow and rifles in general, so I have changed le borku to lo borku.
lalkuo (laldo kusmo) a tradition of people...; traditional.

I mi nipa {diryrenmao/dionrenmao}lo {borku/bortcidi}be, inurau oa mi cirduo tio.
Since it is not the bow that is being propelled, I have changed bow to arrow. Otherwise dirtia (aim) could have been used instead of diryrenmao

I mi setfa ne rande fu {diryreo/dircyreo}, le spali je tei, e {diryrenmao/dionrenmao}ro bortcidi dei.
I have changed diryreo to the canonical dircyreo, and diryrenmao to the canonical diorenmao wherever it occurs to aid dictionary users, though the other forms are correct also.

I mi pifkao ropo {diryrenmao/dionrenmao}jio mi {stali durzo deo, e skitu (?dui) e resto (?dui)/ stali ca skitu ca resto durzo deo}.
deo for dionrenmao, as dei is in use. I don't think he stood, sat, and reclined all at once, so I suggest combining the positions with and/or and use the combined positions to modify what was done.

I mi {diryrenmao/dirtia}le borku dei, sau le nilca je su bucto, e jugra le borku go lelpi, ce cnire je le dertu.
He is aiming the bow, not throwing it at the target in this sentence and the next.

I mi prano dionrenmao, {e/a}rolgu vi le dertu dui.
As these are alternative methods, we need or instead of and.

∫I Sai, ze le Fum Snorrydin, remcli geojmi mi, e letci lepo mi plizo le bedkru pe la Grom, {pia/}lepo mi va stolo {moi/pia}supo janjua ne cervo.
I couldn't quite get his E meaning from the sentence as written "and let the event of me using the bedroom of Grom, until the event of my staying there in order for at least one event of catching a stag."
If we remove the pia the lepo clause becomes the third purpose argument of plizo, uses .... for purpose .... Now we can put the pia in place of moi to get "and let me use Grom's bedroom to stay there until I capture a stag.

I, fa lepo miu papa titci le midmia {/guo}, la Mren Snorrydin....
Another case of a missing guo giving an incorrect parse. I would note in passing that Alex has translated midmia as 'lunch' and natmia as 'dinner'. While this may be the usual use of the terms in that part of Loglandia, in other parts the meanings are reversed, and the language has been adapted to be noncommital. I have therefore in my translation always specified 'noon meal' or 'night meal' in describing these events.
tsumue : tsufi-mutce : ... is *so* that ...
bilbii : bilti-bilti : exquisite

Nia lepo le cmalo fagro pia fagsticea, to cignu pa flesatci le midju je le vlako gue, e rande fleti go tovru mi, ice mi hirti lepo lecei tcela {/ga}sue suaksuaksuak pia lepo cei vijbangoi le nordi le vlako le tovru je leu tricu.
fagsticea : cf fagstimao : ... goes out
The expression sue suaksuaksuak is a predicate, and since it is preceded by a description lecei tcela it must have a ga to prevent its absorption into the description.

Na lepo mi fangoi le cmasitci {/guo}, mi vizka la Mren Snorrydin ji skitu ne lagcei je zvoto le barcu.
Always insert a guo after a lepo clause if there is any doubt, In this case it absorbs the mi as an argument of fangoi.
sadpua : sadji-purda : B is a proverb/saying of people F concerning subject V.
tormenki : to-menki : tormenki darvizrie : pair of binoculars

No fatpeo, hue Sai, clafo, I mi {sira/nerduo}ge laldo po gasybrimao.
Alex was not happy with sira which is a cardinal of 'at most one (default)',
essentially I am the only old fart. I think nerduo says it. I am nothing but an old fart.

Ibuo {Sai/bei}no fa ckelaa stomou cefli lebei nimgru.
An evident misprint.

I bei fafoi dargoi, e kecri ce kincle cangoi, pia lepo {lebei po morto fa (jmite/djine) bei/morcea}
I don't think this attempt to be a bit less straightforward succeeded. If it had, I would have chosen duvri rather than jmite or djine.
fansulba : fanve-sulba : B is a dip/hollow/dent/gully in ...

Inumoi bei {/ga}neri sanse ra po fu denro.
This is one of the instances where bei will swallow ne. Rather than put a nonintuitive comma, inserting ga serves the purpose of separating bei from ne and add a bit of redundance to ease the task of the listener
balni : whale

Mi fangoi le notbi spali je le lagmoa, moi lepo lei smikua mi {,/}le cervu nimgru guo, e godzi le fansulba jio la Mren Snorrydin papa dedsanduo fei mi.
The comma which I removed was nonintuitive, and also closed the moi phrase, which force closed the lepo clause leading to a misparse.
sutpru : sutme-pruci : K sniffs B for signal V

Na lepo mi snigoi le tricu jio la Mren Snorrydin papa dedsanduo tei {/guo}, mi flinensea lemi hanco, le cetydeu, e satro lemi fasli hei.
Misparse because of non-termination of lepo clause.

I le cervu nimgru na {skadarli lio nemomei/metro lio nemo}.
Using the preferred method for dimensioned units.

I, kanoi mi sirto fadreo le cervo {,/}le karci, ki mi foi {skadarli lio sinenimei/metro lio sineni vu}.
Likewise.

I mi normuo resto le dertu, e smible {vii/go bitsa}lo grasa.
Alex indicated dissatisfaction with vii, but had no other suggestion.
fadreo : fando-renro : K hits (with missile) target B at point V
smible : smike-bleka : K peers/peeps/spies at B
borkoe : borku-korce : B is a bow-string of weapon F
nurkluhou : nu-kutla-holdu :
nurklunartyspa : nu-kutla-narti-spasi : B is a notch/slot/slit in F

Mi slasla ce ckelista muvmao lemi korbadjo, {i/ice}piu mi neri muvmao le ritco barma, {epa/efa}le ledzo tugle, pae.
Generally i is used to begin a new sentence, and ice to join sentence parts. efa as usual.

Le ckevei ga simci mi lepo stise.
His sentence structure does not match the place structure of simci which is S appears to be B to D under conditions N. I suggest that filmo might be a better choice (K feel D about V) Mi filmo lepo stise guo le ckevei, or Mi nufunu filmo le ckevei lepo stise. I have chosen the latter and added jo to make it metaphorical.
lagkeofao : langa-ckemo-fando : at long last, finally

I mi bremao ne {/ge}tori bortcidi, lia lepo mi fakau kukra ge genza dionrenmao.
As written, it would be parsed and heard as twelfth arrow. An inserted ge is grammatical, and serves to separate the two numbers.
slasla : slano-slano : very slow

I cei corkeo stali, duo lepo mi purfe vizka le {fibru/}sitfa je lecei karci.
I don't see what he means by a weak situation, perhaps he intended vulnerable, but his E version does not indicate this. LOD does not currently have a word for vulnerable.
taircea : stali-cenja : K stands up/goes to a standing position
rorkoo : ro-kolro : B is many-colored
cutvaopro : cutri-vapro-proju : K produces steam from ... ; steaming

Ibuo cei normuo stali, nia lepo mi ze la Mren Snorrydin ga lufta le tidjo korti je le cervo, e setfa kei{,/}le prire je cei.
I have made a few corrections like this without noting them, but I should point out that Alex likes to put commas between places of a predicate, even when a pause is nonintuitive. However, in some cases, like this one, placing a comma leads to an incorrect parse. No comma is necessary between cases of a predicate.
fumbuo : fumna-bunbo : K is silly (cf mrebuo)
mrebuo : mrenu-bunbo : K is stupid (Men are stupid, women are silly)
piuklu : pisku-kutla : K cuts B up into pieces
miorsrohaa : mitro-sordi-hasfa : B is a meat-store/game-larder of community F
tairframa : stali-frama : B is a rack to carry D
geosto : gesko-stolo : K stays as a guest of B
pleroi : pleci-groci : K teases B
racvelbao : traci-veslo-bakso : luggage-box : B is the trunk/boot of vehicle F